Emotions..

Been super in my feels lately, so forgive me if my caption sucks. Im being raw and honest here so, just a fair warning and some cursing as well.

This week has been utter shit and my emotions have been all over the place. Happy for one minute than sad the next, it just feels like I’m living a soap opera. I mean to be honest i bought this upon myself, i have this awful talent of not thinking before speaking. Onto of that, I’m dealing with some health issues that leave me dreading the next day. If you don’t know, i also suffer from stomach issues as well. I have undiagnosed IBS symptoms and its just been tearing me apart lately as well. I’m basically miserable if you ask me. I went to my rheumatologist that I’ve been seeing for 5 years for my 3 month check up and tbh wasn’t really great news either. The simponi monthly injections are not helping. Im have severe stiffness and inflammation in my left hand and my brain fog is at a all time high. I also have scoliosis and my back is literally an actual wreck. I suffer from mental health due to some things that have happened in my life that i will not talking about on here. By now you can basically see how the week was. I hope next week will be a better week to be honest because i basically feel like I’ve been shitted on.

I never know how to end these post but to say i hope everyone else is okay and making it through this COVID. I honestly just want this whole virus to be over and things go back to normal but I SEVERLY doubt it.

I also wanted to ask those of you have gotten their 3rd shot of the vaccine, what were you’re symptoms afterwards? I’m not against vaccination, I’m vaccinated myself and just wondering of the symptoms because i do plan on getting the 3rd one soon.

Stay safe wherever country or state you’re reading this from and peace.

-Sam

Flares.. 💔

This past week has been a shitty week. There is gonna be a lot of cursing words in this post so, just a heads up.

Honestly, you’re gonna have your good days and you’re gonna have you’re bad days. This whole week has been awful. Swollen feet’s, stiff knuckles and hands, and back to back headaches. Worst enough, the fatigue and exhaustion that comes with disease kills. You will figure 5 years in that I would already know how to manage this disease but, I don’t.

My fear right now is that my left eye has been messed up lately and I’m scared that my scleritis will affect my other eye. I need my eyes to see and it just worries me cause I already have one eye bad. i’m not hypochondriac, its just the stuff i’ve been through i have to always be aware you know. Rheumatoid Arthritis is nothing to laugh or mess with. This disease is meant to destroy you in the long run because there is no cure for it. The medication they give you, its only meant to stop the progression of the disease. 5 years and its still a tough pill to swallow that i have this disease.

I sometimes wish i had a “normal” life you know…. Get up in the morning fine not having to be stuck in bed for over 20 minutes because everything aches. Being able to easily remember stuff and not having to rely on sticky notes all over my room to remember. I can go on and on but you should get the idea by now. It’s taken a huge mental impact on my life. At 23, i had so many plans and ideas on what I wanted to do with my life and now I’m stuck living and wondering how tomorrow is gonna be and if i wake up fine, if I’m able to shower okay and use the bathroom properly. i do understand the other people are going through way worse right now but. im just feeling way in the dumps right now and want to spill my thoughts.

any who, lets see what this week brings and hopes everything is well.

-Sam ❤

Heeeey, im back!!! ðŸ•Š

Sorry for being m.i.a for awhile, I had some health issues I needed to take care of. Its crazy because I think the last time I posted here was last year so, we’re now in 2021.

First off, let me say that a lot of stuff has happened to me since my last post and during this year I will hopefully tell you about it. I wanted to start a new thing that I ask you what interesting has happened to you during the week?

I’ll go first. I recently stumbled upon a TV genre that I never thought I’ll find myself watching. Soap operas. Yeah, I said it, SOAP OPERAS 🤣🤣 specifically Asian ones. They are more interesting than American ones. I literally find myself spending the whole day watching it when I’m not busy. If you have any kdramas that you can recommend, let me know.

For now, I’ll leave you with a mini motivation speech, “you can do anything when you put you’re heart and mind on it”.

That’s all for now.

Signing off, Sam ❤

May 1st Update

Hey ✌

I’m sorry I’ve been absent from blogging lately. My fibromyalgia has been a plan lately and it’s been a struggle these couple of days adjusting to new medications. I wanted to let you know that I’m still reading the book of the month, haven’t got more than 3 chapters done so I’m trying to get back to it.

There isnt really much to say in this post tonight but I just wanted to update you that I’m still here.

Take care and I’ll see you in my next post

-Sam ❤

Book of this Month ðŸ”¥

Hey everyone,

I’m starting this idea of book of the month that I’ve been reading and my thoughts on it. I will also be recommending books as well, I would love your feedback from anything your post. It’s much appreciated.

Starting this month, I’ve been reading this book called “The Woman in Cabin 10” by Ruth Ware. She originally did the book, “In a Dark, Dark Wood” that became a hit some years back. When it comes to books, I tend to lean to the mystery/romantic side and I also enjoy novels. This book in particular has me wondering what’s the next chapter going to be like. Its basically about a crime that was committed on a train next door to the main character in this book, and the puzzles into finding out what happened. I dont want to spoil much of it so, I’m going to leave it as that due to I’m halfway finished it. I will make a separate post regarding if I recommend it and what’s my final thoughts of it. I will post the picture of the book below and if you already read it, let me know how you enjoyed it.

See you soon!

-Sam🌺

My Disease

Today is April 19, 2019 and its raining morning with a thunder, probably will last the whole day. I woke up today achy due to my fibromyalgia and extremely tired as to the fact i slept good but, with all disease’s you never have that peaceful night sleep like other people do. Your constant struggle to find a position that doesn’t hurt and will comfort your muscles is my daily night issue. Today, i’m going to tell you what i do on the daily basis so, just can get a glimpse into my world. It’s hard for me to get out of bed every morning due to my morning stiffness with my rheumatoid arthritis; therefore, your probably thinking whole shit this girl has another illness? I do i have two chronic illness Fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid arthritis. Let me tell you, its a curse in disguise.

Chronic illness last with you for your entire life to the day you die so, back to my day routine. I walk down the stairs with my joints cracking and my upper back sore and hurting to take my morning pills. I take a variety of pills on the daily basis. You have the required ones which are prescribed by the doctor and the vitamins to give you the energy to move about the day. I take Xeljanz XR for my RA (sort for the rheumatoid arth) and i cant live without these pills. When i first got diagnosed with ra, it was like a muscle strain that you usually get probably from working out, but for me as the days went by it got progressively worse and the pain spread to each joint like a blood transfusion. I started losing mobility, i couldn’t walk due to my legs being in so much pain so i stood in bed a lot. My arms were hurting so much due to my shoulders being swollen and my finger swollen to the point i couldn’t hold a spoon or a fork. I had took a blood test a week before for the ra factor and it came back sky high. My doctor didn’t believe how i was still manage to function because the severity of it was critical. The only appointment i was manage to get with a doctor was in three weeks so by than i was home bound.

My family helped me so much during this tough time period. I ended up seeing the doctor and was put on a medication that helped with ra, but it was also known as a abortion pill. I was taking once a week that pill and due to complications of my liver i eventually stopped taking that pill and was placed on medication needles. Medication needles were the worst i believe it was twice a month injection but sometimes i would breakout in boils in the spot injected at ( my thighs and my stomach.) It did give me some relief to the point i was able to move some and get me a job. I was working retail and just to clarify, i was one of those peoples that if im hurting but im still able to move and do it, i did. I would come home from work with my feet swollen and my shoulders/fingers aching. One time, my feet actually ended up getting poke dots like chicken pox but it was because the inflammation of my feet was too much my blood vessels were popping. I was given another medication to lower the inflammation throughout my blood but i still managed to work standing on my feet still.

December 24, is the day i never forget… i was getting ready for work and i started having back to back dizzy spells and i couldn’t stand. If i were to describe it, it was like getting off a ride in a carnival that spin but that morning it was like constantly getting off ones and it wouldn’t stop. I eventually ended up throwing up blood and was immediately sent to the E.R. I found out i had a severe ulcer and it was open and oozing, it was the size of my pinky top to middle part of pinky. It was due to the fact i was overdosing on pain killers on the side to keep me going, like i mentioned above if it felt good and kept me moving i wasn’t gonna stop. I spent Christmas eve through the day after Christmas in the hospital with constant blood and iron transfusions. When i got released the day after Christmas, it was like everything was back to square one. I couldn’t take care of myself again and i eventually end up investing in a cane. It helped a lot. Keep in mind, i was emotionally going through another situation with my partner and most of you know what was happening, i leave that for another post.

I saw my rheumatologist again and i was put on another medication that let me tell you. IT SAVED MY LIFE. IT WORKED ON DAY ONE!! The medication is called Xeljanz Xr Extended released. As of this day, i still take it but let me tell you, it gave me my life back i was able to do things again by myself. Shower, use the bathroom, eat, sleep better, it was a huge blessing. Fast Forward to the present day, due to my immune system being a mess now due to my medication i’m capable of getting anything; therefore, i was diagnosed with fibro (Fibromyalgia.) I was getting stabbing pains on my chest like i was having a heart attack everyday and it was spreading to my upper back and my lower back. I was put on Gabapentin three pills a night daily. It has helped me a lot and it still is a constant battle.

The reason i decided to talk about this and get it out the way was to let people know they are not alone in this world. You have resources and people around that care about you and will help you. You are not alone and you have a voice too. I was the one of those that no one believed i was going through all that until they saw on it paper and saw me crippled to the point i was screaming in pain. Its something that’s hard to talk about because i was bad time i went through. I learned from it and live with it.

I hope you enjoyed and understand me better after reading my long ass post. I’m sorry for the length of it but i wanted to put it all in one.

I will post again on Monday and i hope you all have a great friday!!

-Sam

Becoming of Sam

Hello,

Welcome to my blog. I’m 24 and suffering my chronic illness and trying to put my life through digital. This blog will be about many things not just one thing, some of the things that will be on here are:

  • DIY
  • Sketches
  • Music
  • Book reviews
  • Daily life
  • Experiences and advice
  • Food and recipes
  • Movie reviews
  • And many,many more ideas to come!

Thank you for taking the time to read this and I do hope you enjoy my blog.

See you soon!

-Sam ❤